I know this is probably something most people don't consider a testament. But I have never gone this long, and I am proud! Its been 5 days! 5 days!

Dylan - Almost 1 year old!

Dylan is growing up so fast! He just started day care yesterday, and it was a scary/sad/exciting day for both Tim & myself. I knew that it was something he needed - the interaction with other kids, and I am glad we finally did it. He LOVES it! All our fears were for nothing, because he went right in and didn't cry and loved playing and interacting with everyone from the very minute we went in.

Hoping for Change

I hate being in the waiting period. I hate being still. I have discovered lately more about myself than I care to admit. I am impatient. I have great expectations for the future, and I think my problem is differentiating between expectations and excited anticipation and anxious unproductive worry and self-pity.

I want things to change in my life. I want a different job, and roots. Those things are ok to want. My problem is I have been sitting around vascillating between wanting these things and feeling sorry for myself because I don't have these, and no one is listening to my wants or cares what I want..blah blah blah. I'm sure you see where this is going. It's the uncertainty and insecurity in the unknown that is hard for me to handle.

I am secure in the fact that I am loved - and loved unconditionally. I am certain I am blessed beyond my wildest comprehension. I don't deserve what I have, and I am so thankful that inspite of all my everything I am loved and blessed. Grace amazes me...

Sometimes it just takes looking at things from a different perspective, and this time I'm going to try to embrace my certainties and securities, and let go of the unknown - that's not my department anyhow :)

my prayer for my everyday

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You.

Life as I know it

You know, I have been thinking about what we are dealing with bill wise in my life, and I can't help but feel guilty. It's my fault we are in the debt we are in, Tim didn't do any of it. But somehow, we are okay with it. We are managing fine, and happy to boot! God has been so good to us, and it's evident tome, if I simply stop and take the time to see it. You have to chose to want to see what He has done for you. Ignoring God and what He is doing can be easy, I suppose. I did it for a long time! It's so nice to be able to stop and look around in wonder at how He has been working all around me all along!
On a side note, my mom sent me words of encouragement earlier this week, and I have to admit I cried. I'm so stinking sentimental these days! Her note was simple,and yet it warmed my heart. "I’m proud of how you are handling all the changes in your life!
It hasn’t been easy, but you have come through the storm." *sigh* My life is great! I feel so free...such a great feeling!

6 mths!

Little Dylan is getting big! He is already 6 mths old! Here's some fun things about Dylan so far:
-he loves to bounce! In your arms, on the floor and in his bouncer!
-he has tried almost all of the Gerber first foods and has been eager to eat them all!
-he weighs 15 lbs 1 oz
-he was unable to be properly measured cause of his wiggle worm qualities, but we are guessing between 27 and 28 inches!
-the doctor said he's healthy and a tall and skinny baby. She predicted he's going to be.a beanpole
-he rolls over constantly! He loves it and is really getting good at it!
These first 6 mths have flown, but I've enjoyed everything. I can't wait to see what's in store next!

Back to Work

I'm traveling back to Louisiana tomorrow with Tim and D to go to work on Friday. Sooooo exciting, huh? My thoughts exactly. I really need to start looking for a job that's more stable and permenant. And I'm hoping when Tim finds one ill have an approximate salary to shoot for. My I really hope this is attainable for us! I'm praying it is and it happens just like its supposed to!
My little man has a Dr appt tomorrow. His 6 mth wellness check! I can't believe he's so big already! I thought I'd take the time to update you on some of his progress so far. At his 4 mth check up he was 13 lbs 3oz and 26 and a quarter inches long. Long skinny baby, just like his daddy! He can roll over like a pro and does so back and forth everytime you put him on the floor. He loves to play with toys and LOVES bath time! He's fairly laid back, with bouncing and rolling being his activities of choice. He has eaten everything we have given him with gusto and seems to like it all! I can hardly wait to give him the finger foods to see how he does on his own!

How Marvelous!

I can't remember the last time I cried due to a song at church. I have put up so many walls and have been running away from God for so long. This song brought me to tears because of the truthful simplicity.
I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene.
And wonder how He could love me
A sinner condemned unclean
Singing how marvelous!
How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be!
How marvelous!
How wonderful!
Is my Saviors love for me.

Random Survey I Have Acquired

What bill do you hate paying the most?
Personally, I don't enjoy paying ANY bills...

Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
We went to Olive Garden, if you can call a meal with the 3 of us romantic...if not it was Spaghetti Warehouse...lol I guess we love Italian!

What do you really want to be doing right now?
Napping

How many colleges did you attend?
3 :) But only graduated from 1

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it's the only longsleeved one I have!

What are your thoughts on gas prices?
It's okay...high gas prices help keep me employed! It's like $2.58 here atm

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Do I have to get up now? Or can I press snooze?

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I should hurry and get as much sleep I have! Morning comes early!

Do you miss being a child?
No, I like my life :)

What errand/chore do you despise
I hate dishes :(

Get up early or sleep in?
SLEEP IN!

Have you found real love yet?
Absolutely

Favorite lunch meat?
Roast beef or turkey

What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Something for Dylan :) He's spoiled!

Beach or lake?
Lake :)

Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
NOt at all, it's a wonderful show of the commitment for yourself and for others. :)

Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
What not to wear!

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Someone from Charmed! I love that show!

Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
No and I would like to keep it that way.

Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No and I am grateful :)

Ring tone?
It's by Atreyu Ex's and Oh's

Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
My car :D

Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I suppose San Francisco :) I'm going in March!

Do you go to church?
unfortunately not atm, but I would LOVE to change that

At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career..I want to be able to work 9-5 and be home on weekends, and not have work come home with me...that would be GREAT!

How old are you?
28

Do you have a go to person?
um?

Are you where you want to be in life?
I am happy, but I have things I'd like to change and goals I'd like to achieve :)

Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Carebears, Strawberry Shortcake & Rainbow Brite

What about you do you think has changed the most?
since I was little? Hopefully a lot, I hope to continue to learn and grow forever :)

Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
I loved high school, but I love now :)

Are there times u still feel like a kid?
yes :) when I see fireworks, or open presents, or eat my favorite ice cream etc

Did you ever own troll dolls?
not a large one, but I had a pencil topper that I won at school

Did you have a pager?
Yes, I actually did! It was maroon :)

Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
I did a lot of extracurricular activities so wherever they took me :) and Church!.

Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
I think I was a good kid, so yes

Who do you think impacted your life the most?
My parents....some good some bad

Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out to you?
I loved my senior year english teacher, he was my absolute favorite...Mr. Manuel!

Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”?
yes...makes me feel so old!

No, I'm not perfect

Looking back over some of the things I blogged this year, I have gone through some really angry and lonely periods in my life. I made a lot of mistakes, and figured out that I don't have all the answers, and I am going to mess up....a lot. I have always prided myself on my ability to know what I am feeling and being able to convey that to other people. But the first problem with that is my pride, that's one of the first things that I have had to eat a lot of lately. Humility is an uncomfortable thing. It's helpless and sometimes lonely, it's embarrassing and vulnerable. I don't like humility, part of my pride speaking again, I am sure...but you sure do learn from it. I am not claiming to have life figured out, or even myself completely but I'm finally willing to get dirty and accept my faults. That was a huge undertaking for me, and it's been a long time coming. Being pregnant, and having all these emotions you don't know where they came from or what to do with also brought out in me emotions I had been unwilling to face for a while. I am kind of enjoying myself now, I feel better, and the stress I put on myself to be perfect I still struggle with from time to time, but I am trying to forgive myself and let myself be human. So I am glad to say, no, I am not perfect and I'm finally okay with that.