My Friend

Another note, which I thought deserved a different post and because my wonderful friend Jenn (who in my opinion is infinitely knowledgable about the blogging world) said blogging has no rules..is about my friend...the one I've written previously about and have withheld her name...THAT FRIEND. (If you are unsure what I am talking about, see previous posts for information, or just stop reading...whichever :P)



My friend called me a few nights ago saying that she wanted to fix our friendship. To this I stated that I felt the ball was in her court, because frankly I was tired of trying. Sad, I know,but I was trying to be honest, and my feelings had been hurt for far too long to withhold them any longer. Anyhow, she responded to this by saying ok...and then not calling me for 2 days with any kind of anything. I kinda shrugged it off, because for a long time this has been her M.O. saying she wanted things to change, and then not doing anything to change them. I figured, oh well...I tried.

Then last night she surprised me! She called and said that the things I had said had weighed heavily on her mind. That she had never felt as loved and as needed as she did when she started getting better and noticing that her being absent from people's lives effected them. This gave me pause. I mean, yes I know my life is different because she is absent from it, and I know those people she's closest to are probably effected, that's not what gave me pause. I paused because I wondered if and how many people would be different without me....I wondered how many people are impacted by my life. Anyhow, back to the convo: Then she talked about how she wanted to be there for people and talk to them, but she just couldn't.

She told me how overwhelmed she is by mundane things and how multiple tasks at the same time are impossible for her now, even if it includes talking to someone while making dinner. She told me that she understood why so many people were upset with her and by her...but that no one understood where she has been or where she is going. This, I have to admit upsets me. It upsets me that she thinks no one knows where she's been, but she knows where everyone else has been. She can't know what it's like to constantly be there for someone that backs farther and farther out of your life. Or to put yourself out there to be yelled at for no particular reason, or to feel like you're giving your all to someone who isn't giving anything in return. Maybe this is a stupid reason for being upset, but I think if someone is accusing me of not understanding their side, they should be equally acceptable of admitting they don't understand my point of view. This coupled with the fact that I dispise not understanding something or someone makes me upset. Maybe the latter more than the former.

Anyhow, she continued her explanation of why no one understands her and I listened patiently :)...I even told her how her telling me I don't understand but she does upsetted me. Then she told me that she wanted to show me that I was important to her, and that I was a priority so she could convey to me the importance I am in her life. Perhaps this is too much drama to undertake. I live for no drama. But I am going to give it another go, and see where the friendship road takes us :)