That is my silent prayer today. I hate messing up - at work especially. I feel an unnatural need to do things perfectly, because my family depends on my income. I an constantly afraid something I have done will make me lose my job!
So today, I find out they ordered tax rolls, that I checked out and apparently they do not have the complete sets of information that we need. GRRR. PLEASE let me find out a way to get it without having to pay an arm and a leg - and it can be done quickly!
So this is my struggle today - among other things, and this is why I am praying this prayer over and over again. I want to do my job to the best of my ability, but I mess up - I am just trying to recover from the mess up. Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label Work Work Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work Work Work. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Itching For Something New
I have been feeling a little restless in my everyday life here lately. Not exactly sure why, because heaven knows I have enough to do in a day to keep myself occupied. I mean, I know tons of people have it worse off than me and have more things to do than myself, and I have tons to be grateful for...but I do have a lot to do:
My daily life:
1. Get up - and OMG I'm SOOOOOOOO bad at this one, I always press snooze like five million times before I actually sit up.
2. Get Ready - not the best at this one either, but fashion and general making myself look put together has never been a strong suit - it was much easier when I was in high school, and didn't have to look like an adult!
3. Get Dylan's cup - this one is EXTREMELY important, as first thing in the morning he wants a drink in a big way, and if you fail to do this step, life will not be pleasant until it is rectified - amazing how my child has trained me so well.
4. Get Dylan's Clothes ready - pretty self explanatory, but I will say he has a much easier selection to put together.
5. Get the diaper - cause lets face it, dirty diapers are a reality.
6. Get the D! - love this part, because he gives me a kiss and then proceeds to take a drink of the cup he has trained me to fetch for him.
7. Get him dressed - Yes, he is still holding his cup at this point :).
8. Gather all my crap and leave - this crap consists of whatever I brought home to work on the night before, occasionally diapers/wipes/extra clothes/swim suit for Dylan for his daycare, my purse, my phone - this is EXTREMELY important, my lunch bag, and of course Dylan - did I mention that he has trained me well?
9. Drive to Dylan's school - uneventful :)
10. Drop him off - on a side note he never says bye to me, and this is bothersome.
11. Drive to the Gas Station - and there I proceed to buy the largest Diet Coke I can possibly find, and yes I do this every morning.
12. Drive to work - this is boring, but my sister in law has been nice enough to talk to me on the way to make it not so boring :)
13. Work - while this isn't generally boring, it is never the same, and thus hard to create a synopsis for :).
14. Drive home - again talking to people and accomplishing the odds and ends calls you have to make in your life, because they don't seem to call you.
15. Pick up Dylan - this is mostly fun, but sometimes Dylan is incredibly whiny. He is incredibly happy to see me :).
16. Give D a snack - have I mentioned that I am well trained?
17. Gather my crap and go upstairs - see aforementioned crap for the list.
18. Find Dinner - I say find, because sometimes this doesn't include actually cooking.
19. Eat
20. Give D a bath - he enjoys this, and it gives me a little time to relax :)
21. Play with D a bit - this includes playing with cars, or reading books, or any number of things :).
21a. Tim puts D to bed - I put this in here just in case you wonder why D isn't sleeping! I never put him in the bed, I can't handle the crying.
22. Attempt to do some cleaning - this can include, but hasn't yet, the massive pile of both clean and dirty clothes that I have yet to address, or the kitchen or whatever.
23. Relax! - watching tv, reading, farmville, playing random card/domino games with Tim :)...oooh and maybe a glass of wine :D. (I found this really great one I like, and that is exciting to me and makes me feel fancy...just saying).
24. Shower - yes I do get clean at least once a day :).
25. Read - I love to read...and I do so every night!
26. Sleep - yay! And this is usually between 11:30 and 12:00am.
WHEW! I have no idea why I felt the need to list my day for you all, but I did, and it was a lot of work so I'm not deleting it, feel free to bypass the list all together.
I think I want a new fashion style, or hair style or something. I decided that I am looking boring lately. And maybe that stems from having a routine, I am SO not used to having one of those. I feel the need to dye my hair pink or purple or get some fun and funky new clothes. The problem with this is - I have no idea what! Ok maybe there is two problems, the second is I am not that great with the whole fashion/makeup/hairstyle thing (see 2 on the list).
What do you think about THIS hairstyle? Obviously this is not pink or purple or anything overly funky, but it is maybe something I can do at home. THIS is totally fun! Isn't it? Maybe with just pink and purple...:). And I'm thinking some new fun flats :), I can totally buy shoes! THESE might be on the agenda!
All this nonsensical ramblings just to say - I am not used to having a routine, and after years of hoping, wishing and praying for one, I have a home - a routine - a 'normal' life, and I feel bitter that I am feeling the need for some kind of makeover. I mean, I have wanted this for a long time! I am upset at myself for wanting more, because my dream of being in one place is now a reality. But maybe I'm being too hard on myself? I was a gypsy for a long time, and it's hard to go from one extreme to another. Maybe just a little personal change, instead of physical location change...:) I think I can handle that!
My daily life:
1. Get up - and OMG I'm SOOOOOOOO bad at this one, I always press snooze like five million times before I actually sit up.
2. Get Ready - not the best at this one either, but fashion and general making myself look put together has never been a strong suit - it was much easier when I was in high school, and didn't have to look like an adult!
3. Get Dylan's cup - this one is EXTREMELY important, as first thing in the morning he wants a drink in a big way, and if you fail to do this step, life will not be pleasant until it is rectified - amazing how my child has trained me so well.
4. Get Dylan's Clothes ready - pretty self explanatory, but I will say he has a much easier selection to put together.
5. Get the diaper - cause lets face it, dirty diapers are a reality.
6. Get the D! - love this part, because he gives me a kiss and then proceeds to take a drink of the cup he has trained me to fetch for him.
7. Get him dressed - Yes, he is still holding his cup at this point :).
8. Gather all my crap and leave - this crap consists of whatever I brought home to work on the night before, occasionally diapers/wipes/extra clothes/swim suit for Dylan for his daycare, my purse, my phone - this is EXTREMELY important, my lunch bag, and of course Dylan - did I mention that he has trained me well?
9. Drive to Dylan's school - uneventful :)
10. Drop him off - on a side note he never says bye to me, and this is bothersome.
11. Drive to the Gas Station - and there I proceed to buy the largest Diet Coke I can possibly find, and yes I do this every morning.
12. Drive to work - this is boring, but my sister in law has been nice enough to talk to me on the way to make it not so boring :)
13. Work - while this isn't generally boring, it is never the same, and thus hard to create a synopsis for :).
14. Drive home - again talking to people and accomplishing the odds and ends calls you have to make in your life, because they don't seem to call you.
15. Pick up Dylan - this is mostly fun, but sometimes Dylan is incredibly whiny. He is incredibly happy to see me :).
16. Give D a snack - have I mentioned that I am well trained?
17. Gather my crap and go upstairs - see aforementioned crap for the list.
18. Find Dinner - I say find, because sometimes this doesn't include actually cooking.
19. Eat
20. Give D a bath - he enjoys this, and it gives me a little time to relax :)
21. Play with D a bit - this includes playing with cars, or reading books, or any number of things :).
21a. Tim puts D to bed - I put this in here just in case you wonder why D isn't sleeping! I never put him in the bed, I can't handle the crying.
22. Attempt to do some cleaning - this can include, but hasn't yet, the massive pile of both clean and dirty clothes that I have yet to address, or the kitchen or whatever.
23. Relax! - watching tv, reading, farmville, playing random card/domino games with Tim :)...oooh and maybe a glass of wine :D. (I found this really great one I like, and that is exciting to me and makes me feel fancy...just saying).
24. Shower - yes I do get clean at least once a day :).
25. Read - I love to read...and I do so every night!
26. Sleep - yay! And this is usually between 11:30 and 12:00am.
WHEW! I have no idea why I felt the need to list my day for you all, but I did, and it was a lot of work so I'm not deleting it, feel free to bypass the list all together.
I think I want a new fashion style, or hair style or something. I decided that I am looking boring lately. And maybe that stems from having a routine, I am SO not used to having one of those. I feel the need to dye my hair pink or purple or get some fun and funky new clothes. The problem with this is - I have no idea what! Ok maybe there is two problems, the second is I am not that great with the whole fashion/makeup/hairstyle thing (see 2 on the list).
What do you think about THIS hairstyle? Obviously this is not pink or purple or anything overly funky, but it is maybe something I can do at home. THIS is totally fun! Isn't it? Maybe with just pink and purple...:). And I'm thinking some new fun flats :), I can totally buy shoes! THESE might be on the agenda!
All this nonsensical ramblings just to say - I am not used to having a routine, and after years of hoping, wishing and praying for one, I have a home - a routine - a 'normal' life, and I feel bitter that I am feeling the need for some kind of makeover. I mean, I have wanted this for a long time! I am upset at myself for wanting more, because my dream of being in one place is now a reality. But maybe I'm being too hard on myself? I was a gypsy for a long time, and it's hard to go from one extreme to another. Maybe just a little personal change, instead of physical location change...:) I think I can handle that!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Parties-Work-Parties and Whatever Other Randomness I can Come up with
So my friend had what looked like a terrific party for her son last weekend, and it has inspired me to start thinking about Dylan's birthday party! But I am uninspired....I have NO idea what to do for a kid that is turning two while we are living in an apartment. Everything that you can go to like the jump houses or chuckeecheese either seem too old, too expensive, or too generic.
I could have a pool party at our apartment pool...but is the end of September a good time to be swimming? Alas I have no idea...I will continue to brainstorm - and am welcoming all ideas on this front.
I am playing catch up today at work - funny isn't it? I am blogging instead of catching up! Oh well, it has waited this long it can wait a few more minutes. Anyhow, during my mundane catching up at work thing I have been thinking about life. Don't worry, I am not going to get philisophical - just thinking about boring things like what to serve for dinner, and the fact that I sold my stock yesterday and wonder when that check will come in, and that diapers are so freaking expensive - and perhaps I should invest in one of those companies, and when are we going to get Tim's car out of the shop - because I am tired of paying for a rental. AND, I have been throwing royal pity parties for myself and really need to stop that.
Yes, I have been acting like I am 2. I get all bent out of shape for NO apparent reason - or even if I have a reason, I am overreacting. I am starting to get on my own nerves. So, I am vowing on my blog, with my vast audience of 1 or 2 people as a witness, to try harder to not get so pissy - I'll keep you posted.
So, I have also been thinking about a new car! We are going to consolidate to one vehicle instead of two and trade in both of our cars for one car. Any ideas? My husband wants to get this car, and I don't know how I feel about it. This is going to be MY car not his! Maybe I'm just being pissy again. Anyone else have any ideas? Something gas friendly prefered!
I think I succeeded in all over the map on this one :) I hope everyone else followed my disconnected thought process!
I could have a pool party at our apartment pool...but is the end of September a good time to be swimming? Alas I have no idea...I will continue to brainstorm - and am welcoming all ideas on this front.
I am playing catch up today at work - funny isn't it? I am blogging instead of catching up! Oh well, it has waited this long it can wait a few more minutes. Anyhow, during my mundane catching up at work thing I have been thinking about life. Don't worry, I am not going to get philisophical - just thinking about boring things like what to serve for dinner, and the fact that I sold my stock yesterday and wonder when that check will come in, and that diapers are so freaking expensive - and perhaps I should invest in one of those companies, and when are we going to get Tim's car out of the shop - because I am tired of paying for a rental. AND, I have been throwing royal pity parties for myself and really need to stop that.
Yes, I have been acting like I am 2. I get all bent out of shape for NO apparent reason - or even if I have a reason, I am overreacting. I am starting to get on my own nerves. So, I am vowing on my blog, with my vast audience of 1 or 2 people as a witness, to try harder to not get so pissy - I'll keep you posted.
So, I have also been thinking about a new car! We are going to consolidate to one vehicle instead of two and trade in both of our cars for one car. Any ideas? My husband wants to get this car, and I don't know how I feel about it. This is going to be MY car not his! Maybe I'm just being pissy again. Anyone else have any ideas? Something gas friendly prefered!
I think I succeeded in all over the map on this one :) I hope everyone else followed my disconnected thought process!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Finally Able to Breathe!
So I made the call.
This weekend I met with my sister and her husband, who is also an accountant, and went over our bills/budget. It was painful and invasive, but it needed to be done. We needed some help! We figured out that my Devon job was not even available for consideration given the money we are obligated to every month right now. So that made the decision clear - I have to stay where I am. I am a bit sad about it, but mostly just fine. It would have been nice working for an awesome company like Devon - but it's a whole lot nicer to have food and gas for the cars.
This morning I called Devon to tell them that I couldn't come work for them. The lady, as everyone I have ever talked to there has been, was incredibly nice and said that I need to make the decision that's best for my family, and she understands it is just business. I feel better already!
This weekend I met with my sister and her husband, who is also an accountant, and went over our bills/budget. It was painful and invasive, but it needed to be done. We needed some help! We figured out that my Devon job was not even available for consideration given the money we are obligated to every month right now. So that made the decision clear - I have to stay where I am. I am a bit sad about it, but mostly just fine. It would have been nice working for an awesome company like Devon - but it's a whole lot nicer to have food and gas for the cars.
This morning I called Devon to tell them that I couldn't come work for them. The lady, as everyone I have ever talked to there has been, was incredibly nice and said that I need to make the decision that's best for my family, and she understands it is just business. I feel better already!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Job Pull
So about 4 months ago I was frantically trying to get a job - because the one I was offered was turned down. Now I'm trying to figure out how to set boundaries for myself in my current job, and how to turn down an offer from an incredible company, AND send out resumes to more companies because apparently I'm pretty popular at the moment.
Amazing how much time can change your situation.
I don't know how to tell the amazing company that I'm going to pass on their offer - I don't even know if that is the best decision! I have weighed the pros and cons, and I don't know what the 'right' answer is. But I think I know what the 'right now' answer is...but uncertainty is heavy! How you make decisions like that without your head exploding is beyond me - and suggestions are more than welcome!
So now, I am awaiting my offer from the 'big dog' because who doesn't want to work for a big dog in their field? I mean it would like working for a mom & pop computer shop, and Apple gives you a call and says they want you! Fabulous - I hope I have that feeling one day! So I'm waiting, and trying to figure out how to break it off with a company...that part kind of sucks.
Amazing how much time can change your situation.
I don't know how to tell the amazing company that I'm going to pass on their offer - I don't even know if that is the best decision! I have weighed the pros and cons, and I don't know what the 'right' answer is. But I think I know what the 'right now' answer is...but uncertainty is heavy! How you make decisions like that without your head exploding is beyond me - and suggestions are more than welcome!
So now, I am awaiting my offer from the 'big dog' because who doesn't want to work for a big dog in their field? I mean it would like working for a mom & pop computer shop, and Apple gives you a call and says they want you! Fabulous - I hope I have that feeling one day! So I'm waiting, and trying to figure out how to break it off with a company...that part kind of sucks.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Working again!
So after months of searching and praying, and hoping and worrying...I have a job. The bad news is I don't get paid for 30 days! What kind of crap is that?!? Well, I can talk to the boss and see if I can't get paid on a 15 day turn around instead of 30...I'm contemplating it. What do you all think?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Today is Wednesday
Wow! Where do I start? Well, I got offered a job from Microseismic..and NO I am not afraid to put their name on here. I was promised a job, and given my pay scale, and told that after I passed their drug/background screens I would get hired and compensated for moving expenses. Because, I felt I had nothing to worry about on that front, I moved my family to Katy, TX and put in my 2 weeks notice at my other position. Sounds great right? Well, it WOULD have been great if the company hadn't taken back their offer! OH MY I was LIVID! Here I was, with no job or income, and a brand new apartment and all kinds of bills coming my way.
I'm still there by the way, but my livid has taken a backseat to my peace. I don't know how, and I don't know when..and I'm still anxious for m time to time, but I believe everything is going to be alright and I am going to get a job the RIGHT job when it is time. I am trying to forgive Microseismic and their butthead people that promised me one thing one day and took it all back the next...but it's just not happening for me yet. Maybe when I get a job and find out it was perfect, I'll be able to say no big deal, no harm done. But for the time being, I'm so mad that they left me and my family out in the cold it's hard to go about the task of forgiving them. PLUS, they have no regard for me or my family. So I'm vacillating between being totally fine with not having a job, and knowing everything will be okay..and being mad at Microseismic for leaving me without the availability to take care of my family. I am apparently complicated! Maybe with all this free time on my hands (not really, cause I'm job hunting A LOT) I will be able to get a grip on my multiple personalities regarding this...but probably not :).
I'm still there by the way, but my livid has taken a backseat to my peace. I don't know how, and I don't know when..and I'm still anxious for m time to time, but I believe everything is going to be alright and I am going to get a job the RIGHT job when it is time. I am trying to forgive Microseismic and their butthead people that promised me one thing one day and took it all back the next...but it's just not happening for me yet. Maybe when I get a job and find out it was perfect, I'll be able to say no big deal, no harm done. But for the time being, I'm so mad that they left me and my family out in the cold it's hard to go about the task of forgiving them. PLUS, they have no regard for me or my family. So I'm vacillating between being totally fine with not having a job, and knowing everything will be okay..and being mad at Microseismic for leaving me without the availability to take care of my family. I am apparently complicated! Maybe with all this free time on my hands (not really, cause I'm job hunting A LOT) I will be able to get a grip on my multiple personalities regarding this...but probably not :).
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
ChaChaChaChanges
Wow, it has been a long road to this one. At least it feels like it has, but I am so glad I am on it now. A little over a month ago my job took me (I am still here by the way) to North Dakota. Man I have never experienced cold like this before IN MY LIFE. I now have a new perspective for cold. I also had a lot of alone time (that I didn't want) as my family stayed in Oklahoma, because they weren't allowed to stay in camp here with me in ND. I have cried, felt alone, and become stronger. I may not enjoy ND as a state, because heaven help me I hate snow, but I have learned a lot about myself and my priorities.
For a long while I have wanted to get out of the traveling end of my profession, and find something in my industry that keeps me in one place and allows me to set down roots. I have made attempts to that end, but being in ND has really motivated me to make this a reality. I don't want to spend another month and a half without my family. It hurts to miss these times in my baby's life. I have applied at more places than I can even remember, and have had some small victories. I have 1 definite interview while I am on break, and 1 other possible one. I am hoping that something pans out, but because I have made it through ND I know I can make it through if it doesn't. Meanwhile though, I am praying my time in ND and being alone and traveling is coming to an end. I get to see Tim on Saturday, and Dylan a couple days later as Tim and I are driving down to Oklahoma.
For a long while I have wanted to get out of the traveling end of my profession, and find something in my industry that keeps me in one place and allows me to set down roots. I have made attempts to that end, but being in ND has really motivated me to make this a reality. I don't want to spend another month and a half without my family. It hurts to miss these times in my baby's life. I have applied at more places than I can even remember, and have had some small victories. I have 1 definite interview while I am on break, and 1 other possible one. I am hoping that something pans out, but because I have made it through ND I know I can make it through if it doesn't. Meanwhile though, I am praying my time in ND and being alone and traveling is coming to an end. I get to see Tim on Saturday, and Dylan a couple days later as Tim and I are driving down to Oklahoma.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
New Beginnings
So it's been about 5 weeks since I published anything. Those 5 weeks have been action packed, and uneventful if that makes any sense. There can now be said there is Life pre db and post db (pre and post Dylan's birth). Life is great, he is great! He is growing so quickly and developing quite a personality it's amazing to get to spend any amount of time with him during the day, and I find that the times he takes long naps I miss holding him. I'm hooked, let me tell ya! And who wouldn't be? Just look at him!
Very soon I will go back to work, and I dread and look forward to it. I look forward to the adult interaction and I dread not being able to see the little things in his life. I want to be there to see everything and be an adult with a job. Maybe one day I'll find a happy medium and be both. I hope Dylan doesn't suffer in the process. I don't think he will, I love him so much I hope to show him that everyday.
Very soon I will go back to work, and I dread and look forward to it. I look forward to the adult interaction and I dread not being able to see the little things in his life. I want to be there to see everything and be an adult with a job. Maybe one day I'll find a happy medium and be both. I hope Dylan doesn't suffer in the process. I don't think he will, I love him so much I hope to show him that everyday.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Success!
Yay! Today I made a small triumph in the world of Jessica! I actually got out of bed at 6:21am! Can you tell I'm excited? To most people, this may be everyday, but to me it's a once in a while thing...and something I positively strive for everyday....so yes I'm excited! I got up and out of bed, took a shower, brushed my teeth at home instead of work, did my hair (yay me I look like an adult today!), and actually picked out my clothes dependent on what looked ok together and what matched etc...I feel great! Today is going to be a good day!
Friday, January 4, 2008
My Middle Name Is Late, or Should Have Been
I hate getting up in the morning. I am absolutely one of the worst about being able to actually get up in the morning and getting ready. Not necessarily bad at the getting ready part, I can put on jeans with the best of them, but the getting up part leaves something to be desired. Today was no exception. The alarm went off at 6:25am (which was actually 6:15...I set it early to fool myself into thinking it's later, but it never works...I think it's cause I have calculated to the minute how much early it is and how much longer this will give me to sleep in...*sighs*) and as usual I hit snooze, rolled over and went back to sleep, at least that's what I believe happened but as I don't remember... I'm going with it. Then (also an assumption, because the memory of this evades me) I continue to hit snooze as the morning day ticks away bringing me closer to the time when I should be at work. At about 7am every morning Michelle calls me and pretty much pesters the crap outta me until I get up, sometimes this is 7:05am sometimes it is 8am.
The 7:05am days are the good days...today was not one of those days. Apparently somewhere in between my snooze hits and Michelle's constant callings (all of which I don't remember, btw) 7:05am came and went. Michelle finally got me to wake up at 7:47am. I am going to pause now and just say that I'm really greatful she's so patient and persistent...without her who knows if I would even be able to keep a job? So thanks Michelle for being on the other end of that persistently ringing phone.
Ok, back to my morning. At this time (7:48am) I start crying immediately. Then I start thinking, man I hate this about myself...blah blah blah as I made a mad dash to my collection of clothes and picked out literally whatever I could get my hands on first which happened to be a 2005 National Champions UT sweatshirt (that I'm sure I'll be regretting later in the day when it starts warming up), some dark blue jeans that I'm sure I have worn before cause the belt was already in them...one turtle sock (yes one) and one sock with pink flowers on it and tennis shoes. I literally was dressed and had my hair pulled up in under 2 minutes. By the way, I have to be at work at 8am, which I know is not early to most people...but I have never been most people.
This morning getting a late start was especially disappointing because I had to attend a work meeting. This entails standing around in a large office with everyone else I work with while discussions take place about where we are, what we are doing etc. Being late to one of these meetings is absolutely unfun, trust me...I know. Everyone stares at you in ur hastily put together outfit, and my supervisor (such a gem...note the sarcasm) makes a point to address your lateness in front of everyone and takes great pains to ensure you talk as much as possible so everyone looks at you in all your sometimes mismatched, always not the best outfit in the world with unbrushed hair...sucks. I dislike having a roomful of people staring at me if I am not performing in some matter.
So as I dash through the house, and speed on the road (I do not speed on the road generally...) all I can think about is "It is 7:53am, it takes 20-25 minutes to get to work, I am so going to be late...again." You would think that as often as I get to work at 8:15ish I wouldn't mind being late, but in truth I'm not such a big fan. Normally things like dinner with a friend, a movie (although the previews are my fav part) etc I don't stress so much about being late...but work is different. Especially now with my current supervisor, whom I already feel takes every opportunity he can to point out any mistakes I make...which I'm sure has some kind of deep-seated meaning, but I mostly think it's cause he is trying to find a good enough reason to get rid of me...but can't cause he doesn't have that kind of pull (but that is subject for another blog...possibly another day...but who knows? I like the fact that blogging has no rules :D).
I made it! I got to the office at 8:10am by speeding dangerously and a few calculated shortcuts. The meeting hadn't started! I was immediately relieved, and slightly out of breath because I sprinted from the parking place I found close to the building which was actually almost a block away (one of the prices of being late), as I walked into the office and saw everyone filing in to the meeting room. I actually wasn't even the last person in the room! Triumph! One less meeting my supervisor can't make me feel totally inappropriate and embarrassed because of my tardiness..score! (I never say score, maybe it's the sweatshirt?) The fleeting shocked look on my supervisor's face at my appearance in the meeting room before the meeting began was almost worth the plethera of emotions I went through from 7:47am to then...almost. This is only almost because I'm still in a haphazardly put together outfit with unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth (yes this is nasty...but I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in the office for just this reason...the planning ahead is both a good thing and bad), and I feel rather sloppy.
I think this is the reason I hate being late the most. Because the times I am late out number the times I am early by far and the times I am ontime by some, I never can take the time to make myself look like the 26yr old woman I am...Everyday I vow that I will get up earlier and make the extra effort to look like an adult, and actually brush my hair and my teeth, but it rarely actually happens this way. I really do try to get up, I promise! All I can do to fix it is just continue to try...until something happens and I develop an internal clock or become a lighter sleeper Late will be my middle name, but I'm hoping that will change soon.
*Note...if this blog seems a little weirder than usual or especially choppy, it's cause I've been interrupted numerous times during it...the trials of blogging at work.
The 7:05am days are the good days...today was not one of those days. Apparently somewhere in between my snooze hits and Michelle's constant callings (all of which I don't remember, btw) 7:05am came and went. Michelle finally got me to wake up at 7:47am. I am going to pause now and just say that I'm really greatful she's so patient and persistent...without her who knows if I would even be able to keep a job? So thanks Michelle for being on the other end of that persistently ringing phone.
Ok, back to my morning. At this time (7:48am) I start crying immediately. Then I start thinking, man I hate this about myself...blah blah blah as I made a mad dash to my collection of clothes and picked out literally whatever I could get my hands on first which happened to be a 2005 National Champions UT sweatshirt (that I'm sure I'll be regretting later in the day when it starts warming up), some dark blue jeans that I'm sure I have worn before cause the belt was already in them...one turtle sock (yes one) and one sock with pink flowers on it and tennis shoes. I literally was dressed and had my hair pulled up in under 2 minutes. By the way, I have to be at work at 8am, which I know is not early to most people...but I have never been most people.
This morning getting a late start was especially disappointing because I had to attend a work meeting. This entails standing around in a large office with everyone else I work with while discussions take place about where we are, what we are doing etc. Being late to one of these meetings is absolutely unfun, trust me...I know. Everyone stares at you in ur hastily put together outfit, and my supervisor (such a gem...note the sarcasm) makes a point to address your lateness in front of everyone and takes great pains to ensure you talk as much as possible so everyone looks at you in all your sometimes mismatched, always not the best outfit in the world with unbrushed hair...sucks. I dislike having a roomful of people staring at me if I am not performing in some matter.
So as I dash through the house, and speed on the road (I do not speed on the road generally...) all I can think about is "It is 7:53am, it takes 20-25 minutes to get to work, I am so going to be late...again." You would think that as often as I get to work at 8:15ish I wouldn't mind being late, but in truth I'm not such a big fan. Normally things like dinner with a friend, a movie (although the previews are my fav part) etc I don't stress so much about being late...but work is different. Especially now with my current supervisor, whom I already feel takes every opportunity he can to point out any mistakes I make...which I'm sure has some kind of deep-seated meaning, but I mostly think it's cause he is trying to find a good enough reason to get rid of me...but can't cause he doesn't have that kind of pull (but that is subject for another blog...possibly another day...but who knows? I like the fact that blogging has no rules :D).
I made it! I got to the office at 8:10am by speeding dangerously and a few calculated shortcuts. The meeting hadn't started! I was immediately relieved, and slightly out of breath because I sprinted from the parking place I found close to the building which was actually almost a block away (one of the prices of being late), as I walked into the office and saw everyone filing in to the meeting room. I actually wasn't even the last person in the room! Triumph! One less meeting my supervisor can't make me feel totally inappropriate and embarrassed because of my tardiness..score! (I never say score, maybe it's the sweatshirt?) The fleeting shocked look on my supervisor's face at my appearance in the meeting room before the meeting began was almost worth the plethera of emotions I went through from 7:47am to then...almost. This is only almost because I'm still in a haphazardly put together outfit with unbrushed hair, unbrushed teeth (yes this is nasty...but I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in the office for just this reason...the planning ahead is both a good thing and bad), and I feel rather sloppy.
I think this is the reason I hate being late the most. Because the times I am late out number the times I am early by far and the times I am ontime by some, I never can take the time to make myself look like the 26yr old woman I am...Everyday I vow that I will get up earlier and make the extra effort to look like an adult, and actually brush my hair and my teeth, but it rarely actually happens this way. I really do try to get up, I promise! All I can do to fix it is just continue to try...until something happens and I develop an internal clock or become a lighter sleeper Late will be my middle name, but I'm hoping that will change soon.
*Note...if this blog seems a little weirder than usual or especially choppy, it's cause I've been interrupted numerous times during it...the trials of blogging at work.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Second
I can learn a thing or two from my cats...relaxing taking it easy and hanging with those closest to me...the important things in life :).
Ok, I dunno the rules about blogging, or if it's kosher to post two in one day, but I have things weighing on my mind...so I'm going for it.
I'm nervous. My line of work has never proposed itself to be longstanding, although my experiences have always led me to have steady employment. My dad always tells me that the world of seismic I've been living is a dream, and it's not the norm, and I should be more prepared for months and months without work. Ok, so this scares the crap outta me. Yes, I have been pretty dilligent about saving money so I can 'prepare' myself for these times when I have no work, but I guess for all my bravado I have a paranoid personality. Or maybe I'm just easily overwhelmed by the thought of having bills and responsibilities with no means to pay for them. Or maybe these 2 things are one and the same.
Regardless, I am feeling the job I am on currently is drawing to a close and I begin to worry again about where my next paycheck is coming from, or where I am going to be able to find another job at. I fear I have grown accustomed to the life I lead now, and my nice salary and I am scared of how my life may be otherwise. But then I remember that I haven't always had this job, or made the kind of money I do now, and I survived...more than that I had fun just as I have fun now..and that's what I think I need to focus on.
I'm funny, I just realized that I both expressed my paranoia and gave myself a pep talk all in one blog. Maybe I should look up blog rules on the internet later...so I know exactly which ones I'm breaking!
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