Working again!

So after months of searching and praying, and hoping and worrying...I have a job. The bad news is I don't get paid for 30 days! What kind of crap is that?!? Well, I can talk to the boss and see if I can't get paid on a 15 day turn around instead of 30...I'm contemplating it. What do you all think?

Today is Wednesday

Wow! Where do I start? Well, I got offered a job from Microseismic..and NO I am not afraid to put their name on here. I was promised a job, and given my pay scale, and told that after I passed their drug/background screens I would get hired and compensated for moving expenses. Because, I felt I had nothing to worry about on that front, I moved my family to Katy, TX and put in my 2 weeks notice at my other position. Sounds great right? Well, it WOULD have been great if the company hadn't taken back their offer! OH MY I was LIVID! Here I was, with no job or income, and a brand new apartment and all kinds of bills coming my way.
I'm still there by the way, but my livid has taken a backseat to my peace. I don't know how, and I don't know when..and I'm still anxious for m time to time, but I believe everything is going to be alright and I am going to get a job the RIGHT job when it is time. I am trying to forgive Microseismic and their butthead people that promised me one thing one day and took it all back the next...but it's just not happening for me yet. Maybe when I get a job and find out it was perfect, I'll be able to say no big deal, no harm done. But for the time being, I'm so mad that they left me and my family out in the cold it's hard to go about the task of forgiving them. PLUS, they have no regard for me or my family. So I'm vacillating between being totally fine with not having a job, and knowing everything will be okay..and being mad at Microseismic for leaving me without the availability to take care of my family. I am apparently complicated! Maybe with all this free time on my hands (not really, cause I'm job hunting A LOT) I will be able to get a grip on my multiple personalities regarding this...but probably not :).

ChaChaChaChanges

Wow, it has been a long road to this one. At least it feels like it has, but I am so glad I am on it now. A little over a month ago my job took me (I am still here by the way) to North Dakota. Man I have never experienced cold like this before IN MY LIFE. I now have a new perspective for cold. I also had a lot of alone time (that I didn't want) as my family stayed in Oklahoma, because they weren't allowed to stay in camp here with me in ND. I have cried, felt alone, and become stronger. I may not enjoy ND as a state, because heaven help me I hate snow, but I have learned a lot about myself and my priorities.
For a long while I have wanted to get out of the traveling end of my profession, and find something in my industry that keeps me in one place and allows me to set down roots. I have made attempts to that end, but being in ND has really motivated me to make this a reality. I don't want to spend another month and a half without my family. It hurts to miss these times in my baby's life. I have applied at more places than I can even remember, and have had some small victories. I have 1 definite interview while I am on break, and 1 other possible one. I am hoping that something pans out, but because I have made it through ND I know I can make it through if it doesn't. Meanwhile though, I am praying my time in ND and being alone and traveling is coming to an end. I get to see Tim on Saturday, and Dylan a couple days later as Tim and I are driving down to Oklahoma.

I know this is probably something most people don't consider a testament. But I have never gone this long, and I am proud! Its been 5 days! 5 days!

Dylan - Almost 1 year old!

Dylan is growing up so fast! He just started day care yesterday, and it was a scary/sad/exciting day for both Tim & myself. I knew that it was something he needed - the interaction with other kids, and I am glad we finally did it. He LOVES it! All our fears were for nothing, because he went right in and didn't cry and loved playing and interacting with everyone from the very minute we went in.

Hoping for Change

I hate being in the waiting period. I hate being still. I have discovered lately more about myself than I care to admit. I am impatient. I have great expectations for the future, and I think my problem is differentiating between expectations and excited anticipation and anxious unproductive worry and self-pity.

I want things to change in my life. I want a different job, and roots. Those things are ok to want. My problem is I have been sitting around vascillating between wanting these things and feeling sorry for myself because I don't have these, and no one is listening to my wants or cares what I want..blah blah blah. I'm sure you see where this is going. It's the uncertainty and insecurity in the unknown that is hard for me to handle.

I am secure in the fact that I am loved - and loved unconditionally. I am certain I am blessed beyond my wildest comprehension. I don't deserve what I have, and I am so thankful that inspite of all my everything I am loved and blessed. Grace amazes me...

Sometimes it just takes looking at things from a different perspective, and this time I'm going to try to embrace my certainties and securities, and let go of the unknown - that's not my department anyhow :)

my prayer for my everyday

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You.