My little man is growing up. He is wonderfully exciting and fun to be around, and I love him to pieces. He is excitable and fun loving. He screams and cries and throws random tantrums. I can't seem to wrap my head around the shifts in his moods. Don't get me wrong the shifts always happen for a 'reason'. Like I didn't give him what he wanted to eat, he had to be strapped into the car seat and would much rather roam free, etc. I guess my real problem is trying to find the balance between the Mommy that wants to give him the world and the Mommy that wants him to be a well behaved/balanced little boy instead of a spoiled brat.
I am struggling with this balance....I guess it's because of my father. That sounds like I'm blaming him, doesn't it? Well, I am not. He was a great father, but he always hurt my feelings in his 'discipline.' I was never strong enough, I was overly sensitive, blah blah blah. I don't want to hurt D's feelings, I want him to feel safe and loved, but I want him to have discipline. How do I do that without turning into the very thing I feared in my father for so long?
I pray every day that I am the patient and loving Mommy that D deserves. I want to be kind and loving, and firm and guiding. Sounds easy enough huh? I am so blessed to have been rewarded by having a child, and he's awesome...just trying to find my way to be just as awesome for him :).
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2 comments:
OH man, finding that balance is HARD! I find myself in a similar place all the time with Tommy. Not wanting to do some of the same things that my parents did with me, and I'm sure in doing that, I'm making my own set of mistakes. I think maybe as long as we are trying to find a good balance in what we are giving our kids or how we are raising them, that's all we really can do you know?
You're not alone friend. Raising kids and loving them well is kind of hard work. I can't say I love every minute of it, but I love every ounce of my son. Hopefully somewhere in all of that, we get a thing or two right.
You'll do it because you want to do it. There will be no other way for you to go. :) Love you!
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