There have been a couple of instances that this has reared it's ugly head - one time when she was telling me she was going to have the holidays at her house now, and my parents were going to cater to her, because that's just how it is. I don't do well with ultimatums. Normally I'm pretty easy going and even keel. But occasionally something strikes a nerve - and that did. She said it in reaction to my suggesting that I wasn't to keen on this idea. I don't understand why if most of the people live in Katy we would have holidays in Houston in a much smaller space than necessary to accommodate people? After I said this, she got angry - as happens often when I disagree with her, and she went off on how the parents were just going to do what she wanted anyway so I can do whatever I want and they will have holidays without me. I was upset at this for several reasons. 1. I do not enjoy ultimatums. 2. The purpose of getting together for holidays is the getting together part, and purposefully excluding someone because they disagree with you is just plain petty. and 3. because she is probably right, my parents DO whatever she wants - because the squeaky wheel gets the grease I suppose, not quite sure why.
Another instance, happened a few weeks ago. I had discovered I was pregnant and was discussing names with her. I through out the name Nicolas saying I liked it - and she had a cow. Huge one. She went on and on about her being offended by this choice of name, but couldn't articulate WHY she was offended. She tore down my character and told me that I always wished people to bow down to me because I was so sensitive, and wouldn't give someone else the same benefit. When all I was asking was why or how I was being offensive, so I wouldn't do it again. I truly didn't want to offend her - but I was lost as to how naming my child a name that millions of other people have is so offensive to her. A snippet of what was said via IM:
Joelle: bc its what my middle name was named after
me: so?
Joelle: i'm offendedme: okI would think you'd be excitedbecause it would be named after you tooJoelle: if u want to name him after peopletry u or ur husbandme: .I"m not even going thereI liked the nameI was spelling it that was as a nod towards dad and mexican heritageJoelle: i don't want any part of it then. u always tell me when ur offended. i'm telling u when i'm offended..if u want people to respect u when u say your upset, u need to respect what other people sayme: but you aren't telling me why
but ur offending me
and i find it disrespectful
me: I haven't done anything yet!
Joelle: i just think its rude u would think of it
me: why?
it's a name joelle
Joelle: use ur names if u want to continue a tradition
me: plenty of people have it
Joelle: i don't fight u on when u get upset
and find things offensive
i think its very disrespectful
do what u want
but i odn't want any part of it
me: so no baby shower because I thought of the name nicolas?
Joelle: i'm getting very offended
the more u talk
please say sorry
and move on
me: I am not doing anything
Joelle: i say sorry when i offend u
me: I'm sorry I offended you
Joelle: its ur turn to say sorry for offending me
thank u
me: but I don't think I did anything wrong.
Joelle: whats hte point in apologizing then
thats whats wrong with u
me: because
Joelle: u get soo offended very fast
me: I am sorry i offended you
Joelle: and u expect everyone to bow down to you
but then th emoment someone gets offended by you
me: you want to talk about what's wrong with people/
Joelle: ur a saint
me: ?
Joelle: and u don't owe anyone anything
i think u owe me more than tha
me: ok
Joelle: u owe me just to be decent to me
me: what do I owe you?
I am not being indecent
idk what you are talking about
I am not trying to provoke anything
Joelle: and immediately said u did nothing wrong
u might as well not say anything
me: I don't understand what I did wrong
I am asking for you to explain
not picking a fight
Joelle: just so you know
this can go 2 ways
me: you are the one telling me how awful of a person I am
Joelle: no
i'm saying i'm offended
me: yes you really are
Joelle: and u need to apologize and make it right
me: I understand that
I did!
I am asking you to explain what I did
Joelle: u can't apologize then say u don't do anything wrong
me: for several reasons
1. because I don't want to have this stupid discussion again
Joelle: u get offended fast, u want other people to respect that and take u seriously. so u need to do the same thing.
me: 2. because I don't want to offend you regardless of what you think
fine
i have some ideas
me: i did
I'm not doing it again
I have explained myself
I think I owe the same
Joelle: really?
thats how u are?
me: I am owed the same
no
Joelle: just remember this when u get offended
me: that's how you are
Joelle: i'll remind u
i promise
Joelle: do what u need to..
me: I apologized for offending you
Joelle: just say sorry so we can talk about ur baby shower
The last one happened just Saturday. She is upset and 'annoyed' because she feels as though we didn't have the proper reaction to her having a blow out on the side of the road. Picture this, it's late at night and everyone in my house is asleep. My cell phone rings, I answer it and my sister says 'Let me talk to Tim'. No explanation no nothing. Just let me talk to your sleeping husband. My initial reaction is 'He's asleep, Joelle'. Then she explains that they are on the side of the road and need car help. So I hand the phone over to Tim after I woke him up. He then talks to her husband about how they had a blow out, and are missing the tire iron to take off the tire, and then to jack up the car. Tim's initial reaction is "sure I'll help, I just don't know where you are." He says this several times. (at least 3). Keith (my sister's husband) then says he'll call right back. (which doesn't happen). After this, Tim is more awake. He starts thinking about everything and decides while he will still go help, he doesn't believe his lug wrench that came with his car will take off their tire. (by the way - stock Hyundai Elantras, Joelle's car, have a lug hex that is 21mm, Tim's car has a 19mm hex, and mine is 17mm.). Because my sister hadn't called back, he texted her this information. To which she responded 'Don't worry about it, my dad is coming to help'. Which, by the way, makes more sense because my mom has a Hyundai as well. I knew immediately she was angry. And today she tells me that it was an eye opening experience as to our character because everyone else jumped up at the chance to help them, but we did not. I tried to explain to her that we were more than willing to come help, Tim was just trying to let them know that he might not be able to accomplish any more than them. This she suggested was another excuse to be able to stay in bed. I'm not going to lie, staying in bed would have been preferable, but Tim was going to help them! He was getting dressed and everything. A snippet again of what she said to me regarding that evening.
Joelle: so i was bit annoyed with you with yoru actions or lack there of on saturday
but i remembered that tim has been very helpful.
even if you weren't very nice.
so its okay
Sent at 11:26 AM on Tuesday
Joelle: i was annoyed that laurel was coming in from clear lake to help me. but you didn't even want to wake tim up. and mom and dad came in a heart beat.
and i feel like i do alot to try to
help you and give yall things. and we were stuck on the side of the road on the highway in the middle of the night
and you would of just left us there
but it is okay
i'll get over it
just need some time
I didn't respond via IM, but mine was just basically trying to explain to her the entire scenario again. And why we were trying to let her know this prior to us going down there. /sigh. I need a vacation.
